Am I Texting Her Too Much? How Overtexting Is Costing You

Think of texting as a song you are creating with another person. You want to have back-and-forth communication that ebbs and flows.
girl on her phone reading a text from a guy who texts too much

The excitement of asking a girl for her number and getting it can quickly become a sense of dread and anxiety when you start overthinking things.

You know what I’m talking about – that little voice in your head that starts to ask questions like “When should I text her?”, “What should I say?” and ” I wonder if I’m texting her too much?”.

Most problems start because you start texting too much, and you turn a girl off who is interested or is at least open to exploring things further.

It’s all about finding that happy medium of knowing when to text, how to text, and when to pull away that will have you keeping her interest without killing the attraction.

Remember, a third of the battle is already won. She’s interested in a certain degree, or she gave you her number. So, don’t go crushing your chances by over texting!

When to Text Her for the First Time

The first text is always the most important. You want to make a good impression and get the ball rolling. But you also don’t want to come on too strong or be

Guy sitting on couch texting a girl too much

What is overtexting?

Overtexting is when you send too many texts without receiving a reply or texts that are just too long. Especially in the early stages of dating in a relationship, this can be a major turnoff.

Texting girls your life story or sending them long-winded texts can make you look needy and desperate.

It will also make it seem like you don’t have a life outside her, which is a major turnoff for most girls.

Keep your texts short and sweet, and don’t send more than one or two texts in a row without receiving a reply.

Think of texting as a song you are creating with another person. You want to have back-and-forth communication that ebbs and flows.

There will be a different cadence to texting when you are first getting to know someone versus when you are in a long-term relationship.

You don’t want to be the one who is constantly texting or only replies with one-word answers.

That’s not going to lead to a fun, flirty, or engaging conversation or meeting in real life if on an online dating app.

Guy looking at his phone again since a girl keeps ignoring his texts

What are some signs you are sending too many texts?

Texting women is a challenge since you are likely competing with a number of other guys who are text messaging her as well.

The goal is to stand out in a good way, not a bad way. So, how do you know if you are sending too many texts?

She makes you wait long periods

If a girl is interested, she will respond to your text messages relatively quickly.

Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, like if she is at work or in class, but generally speaking, if a girl likes you, she will want to keep the conversation going.

If it takes her a long time to reply or gives one-word answers that don’t invite further conversation, then chances are she is not that interested.

She stops asking you questions

Another sign that you are texting her too much is if she stops asking you questions.

If the conversation feels one-sided, it might be time to back off a bit.

You want the conversation to flow back and forth, with both of you asking and answering questions.

If she seems disinterested or unengaged in the conversation, it might signal that you are texting her too much.

She sends fewer texts

This one is pretty self-explanatory – if she starts sending fewer texts than she was before, it’s a sign that you are texting her too much, or she is not that into you.

It might be time to back off and give her some space.

There is always an excuse

Yes, life happens, but if there is always an excuse for why she can’t meet up or doesn’t have time to talk, it’s a sign that you are texting her too much.

You want to be careful here because these kinds of mixed signals could mean that she is just trying to keep you around or you’ve been friend-zoned.

She starts texting you differently

If you start getting text messages with emojis and exclamation points, and now you are down to vague unenthusiastic responses, it’s a sign that you are texting her too much.

You want to be careful not to fall into the trap of thinking that she is interested in you just because she is responding to your texts.

She might just be trying to be polite or being nice, but that doesn’t necessarily mean she wants to date or have a romantic relationship with you.

She stops responding

If she doesn’t respond to a text message or two, more texts are not the answer.

She might be busy, she might not be interested, or she might have found someone else.

The best thing to do in this situation is to give her some space and see what happens.

If she doesn’t respond after a few days, it’s time to move on.

Woman with a big smile reading a text from a guy she just met

How do you keep a girl texting you?

One of the easiest ways to not wonder if you are texting her too much is to have her text your first or genuinely engage in the text conversation.

Here are some tips on how to keep a girl texting you:

Playful Teasing

Teasing is good when it comes from a place of fun and not meanness.

You can gently poke fun at her, playfully making fun of something she said or did.

Make sure you are doing it in a way that is not hurtful and that you would also enjoy it if the roles were reversed.

And her teasing you back is a good sign!

Escalate your texts

If you have serious interest, you don’t want to come off too strong, but if the right moment comes, you want to let her know your position.

Let’s say she mentions she is about to go shopping for lipstick. Escalate and flirt with something like, “I’ve seen how sexy your lips are, and any lipstick will look great on you.”

This is just an example, but you want to be playful and not afraid to make a move.

Challenge her

You want to keep the conversations interesting, so don’t be afraid to challenge her.

Don’t try to be the nice guy or a yes man. It’s not about being a jerk.

Share your opinion, even if it goes against hers, and be willing to have a healthy debate.

Showcase your lifestyle

A little healthy bragging can go a long way.

You don’t want to start this way.

After building some rapport, let her know you are not just a couch potato by sharing some of your more interesting hobbies or accomplishments.

If you were lucky enough to join the grand opening of a new restaurant as a guest, share that!

But do it in an inclusive way.

Instead of just saying I went, say something like, “I just left the grand opening of XYZ restaurant, and it was great. When will I get a chance to show you my city?”

Women love exciting men, and this is a great way to show them you are one.

If you feel like you are not that interesting, developing some new skills or hobbies can lead to better texts and greater interest.

Be positive

No one wants a Debbie Downer, so make an effort to be positive.

Talk about the things that make you happy, and avoid complaining too much.

You want to keep things light and fun.

Would you want to spend two or three hours with someone who drains your energy?

Don’t cause her to think that way of you.

Make her laugh

The best texting advice you could ever get is to make a girl laugh.

Humor is a great way to build rapport and keep things light and fun.

Healthy communication is a delicate balance of in-depth and light topics; you want to transition between the two effortlessly.

Making her laugh is an excellent way to keep her from giving you the cold shoulder because of over texting.

Girl smiling at a text she got from her crush

What time should I text her?

When just getting to know a girl, you want to keep texts between 8 am and 7 pm. This way, you are not texting too early or too late.

Once you feel like there is some interest and you have a better understanding of her schedule, you can experiment with texting outside those hours.

The easiest way to gauge these times is by paying attention to when she texts you.

If she hits you up around 9 pm pretty often, it’s a good sign that she is okay with texting her at that hour.

But if you text her at 11 pm and she doesn’t respond until 8 am the next day, you might want to cut back on those late-night texts.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, but this should give you a general idea of when it’s best to text her.

How to tell if she’s interested?

A woman texting you first is a clear sign she is interested.

If she is sending you long texts, that’s also a good sign.

And if she is being flirty or playful, that’s definitely a green light to continue texting.

You can also gauge her interest by how quickly she responds to your texts.

Utimitaley, if she is kind of or fulls out chasing you, she is likely interested in getting to know you better.

How do I regain her interest over text?

If you started texting too much and now she is not interested, it is not recommended that you try to regain her interest. This can lead to you being needy and looking desperate.

This is where terms like simp came about from guys continually trying to get women interested in them again through text after they have lost interest or, worse, never interested in the first place.

The best thing you can do is take some time for yourself, and if she comes back around, great! But, if not, live your own life and know there will be other girls.

Should I stop texting her for a while?

If you don’t like how your text conversations are going because they are too one-sided or seem like there is a lack of effort on her part. Then it might be a good idea to take a break from texting her for a while.

Sometimes just breaking the monotony of knowing you will text her good night or every day at lunch can be enough to get her to start putting in more effort.

Guy sitting on steps smiling while texting a girl

How often should I text her?

There’s no hard and fast rule, but you typically want to find a suitable text ratio.

This means for every one text she sends; you want to send her one or two texts.

You don’t want to seem like you are waiting by the phone for her to text you back, but you also don’t want to blow up her phone with a million texts.

A good rule of thumb is to wait at least as long as she takes to respond to your text.

So if she responds within a few minutes, you can respond within a few minutes. If it takes her an hour to respond, wait an hour before texting her back.

This shows that you have a life outside of waiting for her texts and helps to keep things in perspective.

Texting advice FAQ

Don’t let the task of showing who you are through the written word scare you off.

The best way to start a text conversation is by being yourself and asking her questions about herself that you are genuinely interested in.

From there, the conversation will flow naturally, and you can continue texting her as much or as little as you want.

Here are some common mistakes and questions asked about texting.

Is texting a girl every day too much?

Texting a girl every day is fine as long as she is totally fine with it. You’ll know this by how she responds to your texts.

If she is always quick to respond with a follow-up text and seems happy to chat, then texting her every day is no problem.

But if she takes longer to respond or seems uninterested in the conversation, you might want to back off a bit.

Why did she stop responding to my texts?

There are so many factors here in play that could have nothing to do with you.

She might be busy, not have her phone on her, or just not be in the mood to talk.

If she suddenly stops responding to your texts after being responsive, it’s probably best to move on.

She will reach out to you if she is genuinely interested but has something going on.

Now you have the option to continue to try and talk to her or not.

How often should you text a girl to keep her interested?

The best time to text a girl to keep her interested is not something you can put in your calendar and plan out. Instead, it should be a natural rhythm that is developed over time.

Start slowly and build to something that feels right for both of you.

The biggest mistake you can make is to try and text her too much in an attempt to keep her interested. This will only backfire and make you look desperate.

Follow your gut.

How do I stop myself from texting so much?

If you are texting a girl too much, you likely have too much time on your hands.

Or not talking to enough girls.

If one girl can keep your attention to the point where you are texting her all day, you need to get out there and talk to more girls.

Once you have a few girls you are talking to, you will likely find that your texting habits have changed.

You will start to space out your texts more and not feel the need to text her every hour of the day.

Spend time improving yourself, trying new things, and getting more on the dating scene.

Should I apologize for texting too much?

No, you don’t want to apologize if you are texting too much.

It will look odd that you know you are texting too much but still continue to do it.

Instead, you want to adjust your texting habits and act like it never happened.

If she’s talking to you still, you likely caught yourself in time, and no damage was done.

Just be more mindful in the future of how often you are texting her, and make sure it’s not too excessive.


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