Is She Playing Hard To Get Or Not Interested: Why, How, And What To Do

By Steven

The dating game is challenging enough, but it can be downright impossible when you add in the confusion of trying to decipher a woman's mixed signals.

There’s nothing more frustrating than trying to figure out whether or not a woman is into you.

Is she playing hard to get, or is she just not interested? It can be tough to tell, but there are some surefire signs that she’s just not that into you.

The dating game is challenging enough, but it can be downright impossible when you add in the confusion of trying to decipher a woman’s mixed signals.

That’s why it’s important to understand what’s going on, especially if you’re a guy that doesn’t have a lot of experience with women.

Why do girls play hard to get

If a woman plays hard to get, she’s likely doing it for these reasons:

None of these reasons is a good sign for you, but at least if you know why she’s doing it, you can decide how to proceed.

She’s using you

This woman is not interested in you. She’s just trying to keep you around for her own amusement.

Women out there will play hard to get just because they enjoy the attention. They like having guys chase after them and get a kick from watching you squirm.

These women are usually really good at playing the game. They can string you along for months, even years, without giving you any real sign that she’s interested.

They know you are interested in more but mask it as being “hard to get” or being “friend zoned.”

She’s not interested in you

This is not always out of malice.

It may seem like she’s playing hard to get when in actuality, she might be a nice person and doesn’t want to come across as mean or nasty.

Or she’s trying to let you down easy by playing hard to get hoping you get the picture and move on.

There are a lot of reasons why she might not be interested.

In this case, it’s best to move on and find someone interested in you. There’s no point in chasing after someone that doesn’t want to be caught.

The confused girlfriend

This one can be tough to figure out.

She’s interested in you but unsure if she wants to take things to the next level. So she’s playing hard to get as a way of testing the waters and seeing how you react.

She may have trust issues and is trying to avoid getting hurt again, and is just not ready for a relationship.

Or she could be playing games to see how far she can push you before you give up.

Whatever her reasons, she uses the hard-to-get card to buy herself some time to figure things out.

Unrealistic expectations

A woman playing hard to get can sometimes come from the fantasy world she’s created in her head.

She may have an idea of what she wants in a man that’s so unrealistic it’s impossible to find.

So she plays hard to get as a way of weeding out the guys that don’t meet her impossibly high standards.

This is usually not done intentionally but more out of a lack of self-awareness.

This is not a game that you want to participate in.

You’re better off finding someone that’s more realistic in their expectations.

She is busy

This is the most common reason she might play hard to get.

She’s interested in you but too busy with work, school, or social life to pursue anything right now.

Now, with that said, if a woman is really into you, she will find the time.

Being busy is a valid reason to seem unavailable. Still, if she is never making an effort to find time for you, then she is probably not that interested.

She’s not truthful with herself

A woman can be genuinely interested in you and wants nothing more than to rip off your clothes and have that one-night stand that she claims she would never do.

But because of the way she wants to be perceived, she tells herself she’s not that type of girl. So she will play hard to get, so she doesn’t come across as easy.

You likely have experienced or witnessed the well-known promiscuous woman that acts like an “innocent church girl.”

What are the signs a girl is playing hard to get?

Whatever the reason she’s playing hard to get, there are a few signs that you shouldn’t ignore.

Understanding these things will save you a lot of time and energy pursuing someone that’s not interested.

She never makes the first move

An interested woman will find a way to let you know she is available to you.

She may drop a few hints, flirt with you, or come right out and say it. But she will definitely make some effort to let you know she likes you.

She will never make the first move if she plays hard to get.

You mean after a few weeks, she still hasn’t even texted you first? Or she never hints at hanging out again after the first date?

These are red flags that she is not interested in you.

She cancels plans at the last minute

A woman playing hard to get will often cancel plans at the last minute.

It may seem like she is just busy, or she may give some other flimsy excuse, but the truth is she is just trying to keep you at arm’s length.

She is not interested in spending time with you and just trying to string you along until she gets what she wants.

When a woman is interested, she will find a way to make time for you, even if it means rearranging her schedule.

It’s also disrespectful to your time to cancel plans at the last minute.

As a high-value guy or soon-to-be one, you likely have a busy schedule as well, and someone that does this to you is not someone you want to waste your time on.

She’s never available when you want to hang out

If she’s always busy or has some excuse for why she can’t hang out, then she’s likely not interested.

Now, there are exceptions to this rule. For example, if she is a doctor or works long hours, she may genuinely be busy.

But if she always has some excuse for why she can’t hang out when you want to, then she’s probably just trying to string you along.

She starts asking for things early

I’m not talking about simple asks like grabbing a coffee or taking a walk.

I’m talking about asking for expensive gifts, money, or a lot of your time.

Suppose she’s already asking for these things. In that case, she’s likely just trying to get something from you, and she’s not interested in an actual relationship.

She’ll act as if these things are required for her to even consider being with you, but the truth is she is just trying to take advantage of you.

The body language doesn’t match the words

A woman that’s interested in you will have open and inviting body language.

She’ll make eye contact, touch you, and even lean in when she talks to you. All of these things are signs that she’s interested.

However, if she has closed off body language, it’s a sign that she’s not interested.

She may cross her arms, avoid eye contact, or just seem distant by giving one-word answers.

These are all signs that she’s not interested in you and just trying to string you along.

What To Do When A Girl Plays Hard To Get

When a woman is playing hard to get, there are some things you need to focus on and do in order to find the truth about her motives and not waste your time.

Getting Her To Show That She Is Interested

If she is genuinely interested, she will put her best foot forward to try and attract you.

She may not make the first move, but she will give you plenty of signs to let you know she is open to more.

You need to be on the lookout for these things, and when you see them make your move.

An excellent way to do this is by being direct and asking her out.

An interested woman will say yes, even if playing hard to get.

But if she says no, then she’s likely not interested, and you should move on to someone that is.

Make sure you give her the opportunity to show she is open to more before you write her off, though.

Don’t Be Available All The Time

A woman playing hard to get may try and take advantage of your time.

She may cancel plans at the last minute or always be busy when you want to hang out.

In order to not waste your time, you need to be available on your terms.

Make sure you have a busy schedule as well and don’t be available all the time.

She needs to have some skin in the game if she’s going to be with you.

If she’s genuinely interested, she will make time for you, even if it means rearranging her schedule.

Make sure she’s showing some interest before rearranging your schedule for her.

Have Standards

A woman playing hard to get may try and take advantage of you financially or time.

As a man, you want to guard these resources at all costs and not freely give them to women.

If you get the first date, remember that you are evaluating where this woman will add value to your lime and help increase your resources.

You should always look for a woman who will add value to your life, not take away from it.

It’s likely she’s testing your value so make sure you are also testing hers.

Set your own relationship requirements, and don’t take a woman seriously if she doesn’t meet them.

Be On The Lookout For Red Flags

As men, when we get in the presence of beautiful women, our judgment can get clouded.

It’s one of those unfortunate characteristics men must understand about themselves.

You have been around long enough to know this to be true.

So when you are around a woman playing hard to get, you need to be on the lookout for red flags.

It’s not always easy to notice these things, and it’s unfortunate that you are unable to just “be yourself.”

The stakes are too high, and finding the right potential partner can do amazing things for your life. But the wrong one can be disastrous.

There’s nothing wrong with getting a relationship coach or other professional that can help you stay focused on what’s important and look out for the red flags.

There’s a fine line between being observant and being paranoid, but if you can find that line, it’ll be a game changer.

Should you pursue a girl playing hard to get?

A girl playing hard to get is usually a red flag. Any dating advice that makes light of this when your resources and love life are the ones at stake should be avoided.

A girl playing hard to get maybe testing you, or she may just not be into you. There are a number of things to consider when trying to determine which one it is.

First, take a look at how she’s treating you relative to other guys she knows. If she’s giving you more attention than them. She’s more likely interested.

If she’s giving you less attention, she’s probably not as interested.

Second, consider how much effort she’s putting in. If she’s constantly flaking or unresponsive, she’s likely not that interested.

Third, think about whether she truly has the potential to add value to your life. If she’s always taking and never giving, she’s probably not the right woman for you.

The decision to pursue a woman that’s playing hard to get is ultimately up to you.

There are some pros and cons that you need to consider.

On the pro side, she may be testing your value, and if you pass her tests, she may be more interested in you.

On the con side, she may be playing hard to get because she could care less about you and is just playing mind games.

You need to weigh the pros and cons and make the best decision for you.

If you decide to pursue her, make sure you are doing it on your terms and not hers.

You need to be in control of the situation and not let her take advantage of you.