So, you get a girl’s phone number, which can be nerve-wracking enough.
Now you want things to progress but are unsure of how to text a girl you just met?
She’s hot, sweet, and all the other things you’d like in a girl, so the pressure builds, and you don’t want to screw it up.
The first message can set the tone of the conversation and make or break your chances with a girl.
Get this right, and you’ll have the conversation flowing for hours.
Get this wrong, and you’ll find she’s busy often and she’s ignoring your text messages.
Whether you meet in person or on an online dating app, I’ll show you what to do in a first text message to a girl you just met.
That way, if you’ve been ghosted before, you’ll know what to do to get the girl interested.
When to text after getting her number
The 3-day rule was initially a sitcom joke but soon became a real-world rule.
You should not follow this rule.
Women get hit on all the time. So, unless you are a high-value guy, she will likely have someone else who has piqued her interest in 3 days.
First, have self-awareness. Are you known to get ghosted?
Then what you usually do is not working, and you need to change.
You need to reevaluate if you follow this 3-day rule, which gets you nowhere.
After getting her number, text her that night and see how that works for you.
Second, have situational awareness. Don’t get so caught up in your head as most guys and miss cues that can give you all the necessary answers.
You are so focused on the next thing to say you completely miss a cue that tells you she will be busy tonight, so don’t text her because it may come across as desperate.
And it also gave you a great opener to text her the next day to find out how things went.
Finally, take the guesswork out of it. You can say, “I’ll text you tonight” after getting a girl’s phone number.
She doesn’t have to wonder if you will text or not. She knows you will and when!
Best way to send a text message after getting her number
There is a fine line between being a creep and being different.
You don’t want to be a creep, but you must show interest.
The best way to text a girl you just met is by sending her something that shows interest but isn’t too over-the-top.
She doesn’t know you yet, so something that is an obvious joke to the people that know you will come off as creepy to her.
You need something flirty but not sexual, something that is funny but not a complete joke.
Here are some ways to navigate your first text conversation with that cute girl you just met:
1. Use a short opener
You don’t want her to have to write a novel in order to respond to your text message.
Keep it short and sweet.
An opener like “Hey beautiful” is perfect because it’s flirty but not too over-the-top.
You could also say, “How’s your day going?”
These are great examples because even if she is into something, she can still give you a response without feeling like she will have to get back to you later.
The goal is to get a response so you can build up to an interesting conversation.
2. Show you have common interests
A great way to keep the conversation going is by finding common interests.
If she mentions she likes a particular type of music, you can say something like, “I love that kind of music too! Who’s your favorite artist?”
Or “I hike too! What’s your favorite spot?”
Just as with a first date, you want to find what she is interested in and show genuine interest in hearing more about it.
This is a great way to keep the conversation flowing and lock in a first date based on your common interest if it makes sense.
3. Don’t come off too strong
Let’s say she’s waiting to hear from you, but you hit her with an “I miss you” after two days.
You will come off as needy and desperate.
It’s okay to show interest but don’t overdo it, or she may think you are creepy or trying too hard.
Take things slow and focus on smoothly transitioning to a deeper text conversation.
4. Don’t be generic
Being generic at any stage of your dating life is not a good look.
A hot girl has been through it all before, and generic will make you the same as the other guys.
So from this day forward, you need to vow not to send a first text message like “WYD” or 👋.
You want to text a girl something that will make the conversation flow as quickly as possible.
So, if you can pick up where you left off when you first met or bring up something, you know that she is interested in the better.
This is why you need to be attentive and listen carefully.
5. Be a flirt
You don’t want to come off as a weirdo.
Being overtly sexual, or dare I say, sending revealing photos, is not the way to flirt.
Flirting is a light way to build sexual tension and keep that man-to-woman frame.
We’ll get into how you know when it’s the right time to flirt later, but the majority of the time, you don’t want to text women this way.
Even a cheesy flirt can work if she’s into you.
That same flirt would not land well if she is just trying to see where this goes.
Once you know there is for sure attraction there, then flirting is perfectly fine.
6. Keep it light and fun
We are all going through something.
If she’s texting you back and things are progressing well, don’t throw a curve ball and go into your life struggles.
Avoid texting about things that are heavy or depressing.
You want to keep text conversations light and fun.
This early in the game, it only takes one wrong thing to make her lose interest, and this is one of the easiest ways to get ghosted.
When you text women, it should be fun and enjoyable, not a therapy session.
7. Use emoticons
It’s good to use emoticons when you text girls until they get to know you.
With texting or on dating apps, you don’t get to take in all the social cues that help you decipher the context of what a person is saying.
In-person, we can hear the tone in their voice and see their facial expressions and body language.
With text messages, we lose all of that, so emoticons help to lighten the mood and add context.
For example, if I sent a girl this text: “I’m just kidding 😉” it adds a layer of flirtation that wasn’t there before.
However, if you use too many emoticons, it can come off as try-hard.
8. Playfully Tease her
Make sure you are coming across as playful or flirtatious.
A tease can be taken out of context and make you come across as a jerk, so you have to be careful with how you word things.
You want her to think, “This guy is funny, I like him.” not “What an ass!”
This is a higher-level move and should only be used once you know there is an attraction.
A general rule of thumb is to only tease about things that she says about herself.
For example, if she says she’s a terrible cook, you could say, “You know they say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. So, what are you going to do to make that up to me?”
This works well because you are getting her to validate herself to you.
Her feeling the need to win you over is a good sign things are going well.
9. Drop some jokes
Most girls will admit they want a guy with a sense of humor.
Saying funny things is a great way to make text conversations more enjoyable.
You don’t have to be the next Kevin Hart, but you should at least be able to make her chuckle.
Jokes also help take the pressure off you and make things more relaxed.
There are different types of humor, but self-deprecating humor tends to work the best because it shows you’re comfortable making fun of yourself.
For example, you could say, “I’m glad I’m not the only one who can’t cook. I once tried to make scrambled eggs and ended up setting the kitchen on fire.”
Women love a man who can laugh at himself.
Don’t take yourself too seriously, and she won’t either.
10. End on a high note
You don’t want to end your first text conversation with a girl on a low note.
You want to make sure she will respond to your next text, so you need to leave things on a high note.
Maybe you find your inner comedian, and she is laughing at everything.
If you know you are not that funny, it’s a good sign you should end the text conversation.
You want her to be thinking, “I can’t wait to talk to him again,” not “I don’t ever want to talk to that guy again.”
An excellent way to end the conversation is by saying something like, “It was great talking to you. I’ll talk to you later.”
You could also say, “I’ll talk to you soon. Unfortunately, I need to get going, but I had a great time talking to you.”
Saying something like this shows that you enjoyed the conversation and want to continue it.
It also allows her to respond with something similar so you can gauge how she feels about you.
11. Make plans
Real connections are built by having physical interactions.
Have you ever got a girl’s number from a dating app, and you think she’s hot?
Only to meet in person after texting for weeks and realize the way she looks in the pictures doesn’t translate to real life.
Your attraction instantly disappears.
Text messaging will only get you so far, and you need to see if she is really interested.
She will only follow through if she is feeling you.
But here’s the catch. You don’t have to set it in stone.
For example, you can say, “Since you like Italian food, I know the best spot in town. Let me know when you are free next week?”
You are just trying to get a feel for her schedule and see if she is actually interested in meeting up.
If she responds with something like, “I’m not sure yet. I’ll let you know,” then you know it’s probably not going to happen.
But if she says something like, “Sure, that sounds great!” you are on the right track.
How often should you text a girl you just met?
So, you sent the first message, and things went well, but that was like 3 hours ago.
Should you text her again?
And if you do, what should you say?
The answer to this question is a little complicated.
It depends on the girl and how she is responding to your texts.
If she is taking a long time to respond or not responding, you might want to give her some space.
You don’t want to come on too strong and start bombarding her with messages.
That will just turn her off and make you look desperate.
If she responds quickly and regularly, you can text her more often.
A good text ratio could be something like 1:1.
You need to text a girl first, and if the interaction went well and enough time has passed, she should text you first at some point.
This shows that she is interested and keeps the conversation going.
The key is to just let things flow naturally and not force anything.
The dating and text game is a push-pull type of interaction.
You want to be the one pushing just enough so that she is responding and pulling back just enough so that you are not coming on too strong.
Where do you go from here?
The best way to move forward is to just keep things light and easygoing.
You don’t want to make any grandiose plans or set expectations too high.
Just keep things casual and see how things go.
The goal is to get to know each other better and take things slow.
You are in control here more than you think.
Guys tend to feel like you have to use these strategies because she might lose interest otherwise.
But the truth is, if she was interested, to begin with, she would be interested no matter how you text her.
This is your way of controlling the flow and not wasting your time on someone who just wants your attention.
Where most guys go wrong sending text messages
There is a reason many guys struggle to get a girlfriend or pick the wrong girls to make their main squeeze.
It’s because we sit around with other guys who don’t understand the best way to get girls to like you or YouTubers who don’t apply what they teach and fail when we try to use it ourselves.
Use these things as a guide, but it really takes you getting out there, meeting more girls, and failing more often.
You’ll get the hang of things, develop your style and learn what works for you and doesn’t.
But in the meantime, here are some of the mistakes guys make when texting girls:
Not focusing on Body language
Let’s say you met a girl in real life. She gave you signs of the best way to start texting her, but you completely missed it.
If she was flirting with you, maybe touching your arm, leaning in close, or giggling at your jokes, then that’s an indicator that you can text her, and she’ll be receptive to it.
Coming off stronger, maybe with flirty text, is just fine.
On the other hand, if she was not giving your choosing signals but friendly, you want to start off slow and build up.
Not enough flirting
This is a big one. Just because you’re not face-to-face doesn’t mean you can’t flirt with her.
Flirting over text is easier because you can use emojis, gifs, and memes to communicate your point.
You don’t want to come off as just the “nice guy.”
That’s why you always get friend-zoned. You always want to continue to build up the sexual tension.
You want to get her thinking about you in a sexual way without being direct about it.
A simple way to do this is by using innuendos.
An innuendo is when you say something that can be interpreted in a different way.
It’s a way to hint at something without being too direct.
For example, you could say, “I had a pleasurable dream about you last night.”
This could be interpreted as you simply having a nice dream, or it could be interpreted as you dreaming about having sex with her.
It’s up to her to decide how she wants to interpret it, but either way, it gets her thinking about you in a sexual way.
Stop always sending “How’s the weather” level text messages.
Focus on every message you send having intent and a purpose.
You want to keep the conversation going and not make it dull.
One way to do this is by asking her questions that she can’t just say “Yes” or “No” to.
You want to ask her open-ended questions that require more than a one-word answer.
This will help keep the conversation going and give you more things to text about.
Another thing you want to avoid is always talking about the same thing.
You want to mix things up and talk about a variety of topics.
This will help keep her interested in you and the conversation.
Putting her on a pedestal
If you put in the work, getting her number, you’ll eventually land some girls you are really into.
If you find yourself trying to find cute things to text and giving tons of compliments, then you likely need to pump the breaks.
There is a decent chance this is having the opposite effect of what you want.
You want to show her that you’re interested but do not come off as doing too much.
As guys, when we feel excited about a girl, we tend to lose all chill and start doing things that we think will make her like us more, but it often has the opposite effect.
It’s because we’re not being ourselves, and girls can see right through it.
Instead of always complimenting her, try making fun of her in a light-hearted way.
She always hears compliments and pick-up lines, and doing the same is not winning you any points.
However, making fun of her in a way that shows you’re not really taking it seriously is a great way to flirt with her and keep that man-to-woman frame.
Either you enter hers, or she enters yours.
If you enter her frame, don’t be surprised you get ghosted, friend-zoned, or used for your attention and resources.
Having a strong digital presence
Women are the best detectives. After getting her number, she will look you up to find out what you are about.
So if she goes to your Instagram and all you are following is models that show their butts, and you have bummy pictures, do you think that helps your cause?
Make sure that your online presence, from your online dating profiles to your social media, gives off the best impression of you.
Especially with online dating, you’ll get more matches by putting more effort into your profiles.
You want to show that you’re an interesting and cool guy with a lot going on.
Lifestyle matters, and that doesn’t mean needing a lot of money.
You just don’t want to come across as the loser that doesn’t have a life and seems depressed all the time.
Nowadays, women find it odd when a guy has no online presence.
Get a basic profile and add 10 well-thought-out pictures with occasional updates.
Not moving on with your life
As guys, we need to be willing to move on from a girl if it’s going nowhere.
You shouldn’t send more than two texts that haven’t been responded to, or you get no effort responses.
Either you dropped the ball at some point, or she is no longer interested.
Keep getting girl’s numbers and giving yourself options, so you don’t feel the need to worry about the girl not being responsive.
No girl is worth your time and energy if she can’t even be bothered to text you back.
There will be other girls, and you will find someone that appreciates you, my guy!