You meet the girl of your dreams, and it seems like things are going well.
Then you get blindsided by the realization that she’s still in love with her ex.
It can be a tough pill to swallow and can leave you with some difficult decisions to make.
Should you stay, should you go, should you confront her about it?
The answer is not always in black and white.
Maybe you are living together, have kids, have pets, or any other factors that make the decision to leave a more complicated one.
First, you want to be sure that you are not acting too quickly and take a moment to process what’s happening, accept what’s happening either way and move forward.
Is it normal to still have feelings for your ex?
In short, yes, it is normal to still have feelings for your ex. However, there are many things that can contribute to someone still having feelings for their ex.
Some people are able to move on quickly and completely. Others may never really get over them.
There is no right or wrong answer. It’s simply a matter of how you deal with the situation.
If she was in her former relationship for 5 years, It makes sense that it will take 6 months or more to be truly ready for a new relationship.
Especially if things didn’t necessarily end on bad terms and were a mutual decision. Maybe a tough decision for one to relocate or take a new job led to the demise of the relationship.
These lingering feelings are painful to realize but are not the end of the world as long as both parties are honest with each other about it and are willing to work through it.
Signs she still loves her ex
Now, let’s look at some signs she still loves her ex.
Some of these are obvious signs, while some are more subtle.
If you notice any of these signs, it may be indicative that she’s still in love with her ex.
She talks about him all the time
If your girlfriend talks about her ex often, it’s a clear sign she’s still into him.
She may talk about him fondly, with anger, or with sadness. But all these emotions indicate that she’s still thinking about him a lot.
She always brings up stories about when they were together or how things used to be. So you may feel like you’re constantly hearing about him.
It can be tough to deal with but try to be understanding. She may not even realize she’s doing it.
She still has his stuff
If she’s still hanging on to things that belonged to her ex, it’s another sign she’s not quite over him yet.
This could be anything from his clothes, cologne, keepsakes, and mementos.
Anything that allows her to hold onto old memories is something she’s not ready to let go of yet.
Were you the rebound guy
There is a saying that I have come across from multiple women that says, “The best way to get over a guy is to get under another one.”
If her previous relationship ended recently and now she’s dating you, it’s possible you’re just a rebound guy.
She may use the nice guy to help her forget about her ex and move on. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it’s something to be aware of.
If you both are just having fun, then it’s all good.
But if she is stringing you along, knowing you are taking things more seriously than she is, then it’s not cool.
She’s still friends with him on social media
In today’s world, social media plays a significant role in our lives. And exes are no exception.
If she’s still friends with her ex on social media, it means they’re still staying in touch in some way.
It could be in the DM’s, or she is using it to keep tabs on him and what he’s up to.
She may even be “liking” his posts or photos in an attempt to get his attention. All of these things are signs she’s still not over him.
Does she keep your relationship secret
If she’s happy to be with you, why would she keep your relationship a secret from everyone she knows?
It could be a number of things, but if this is something that’s happening, it’s definitely worth bringing up to her.
It’s understandable if it’s in the early stages of the relationship. However, it’s a problem if you’ve been together for a while and she’s still not ready to tell people about you.
She may not be ready for a new relationship or be embarrassed because she knows her ex is still in love with her.
Whatever the reason, it’s something you need to talk about.
She is still close with the ex’s family
If she doesn’t make an effort to stop talking to or seeing her ex’s family, it could mean she wants to keep some kind of connection with him.
It’s natural to stay on good terms with an ex’s family members, but it could be a problem if she’s too close.
This is especially true if she’s still in contact with his parents more than yours.
Her ex is still in her life
If she’s still seeing or talking to her ex on a regular basis, it’s a sign she’s not over him.
They may be “just friends,” but it’s not a good sign if they spend more time together than you and she.
She likely doesn’t want you to feel threatened, so you’ll be OK with them spending time together.
You should talk to her about your concerns and see where things go from there.
If your girlfriend puts his feelings over your concerns, then it’s time to let her go and move on.
You should come first in her life, not her ex.
She doesn’t let anything go
Suppose you are constantly in disagreements and arguments because of things that happened in her last relationship. In that case, it’s a sign she’s not over him.
She may be holding on to resentment and anger towards her ex, causing problems in your relationship.
You can’t have a healthy relationship if she’s still holding onto the past.
Yes, this could be a defense mechanism which makes this one of the most subtle signs she’s not over him because it’s hard to decipher what’s really going on.
It’s best to focus on this more if it’s coupled with other signs on the list.
You feel like you’re always walking on eggshells around her
Suppose you’re constantly worried about upsetting or making her angry. In that case, it’s a sign that she’s not over him or really just not that into you.
She may take out her frustrations with him on you, and it’s not fair to you.
There are a few things you should not accept under any circumstances in a relationship, and feeling like you’re constantly walking on eggshells is one of them.
If this is how she’s treating you the way you feel, you need to stay focused on your purpose and be happy; it’s best to move on.
You should want to be with someone who makes you feel good about yourself, not someone who always brings you down.
She doesn’t show any jealousy
If you are around other girls even she finds attractive, and she doesn’t get jealous, it could mean she’s not over her ex.
There’s nothing wrong with a little healthy jealousy in a relationship. It shows she cares about you and doesn’t want to lose you.
But if she’s not jealous at all, it could be a sign that she doesn’t have any feelings for you or still has strong feelings for her ex.
Does she accept gifts or money from her ex
This is one of those common signs that people often overlook, letting you know she’s not over him.
If she’s still accepting gifts or money from her ex, it means she’s still in some way dependent on him.
It could also be a sign that she’s hoping to get back together with him someday.
Either way, it’s not a good sign for your current relationship.
He wouldn’t be the first guy to try to buy his way back into a girl’s life, so don’t accept this behavior.
Does she have pictures of her ex boyfriend on her phone
This is worse than soft stalking on social media.
If your girlfriend still has pictures of her ex on her phone, it means she’s not over him and is still thinking about him.
You could even give her a pass if she keeps a picture or two stored in a folder somewhere, but if they’re front and center, it’s a different story.
Does she constantly compares her past relationship with yours
If she’s constantly comparing you to her ex, it’s a sign she’s still not over him.
She may do this in a positive or negative way, but either way, it means she’s still thinking about him.
And if she constantly brings up how he did things differently or better than you, she is likely still harboring feelings for him.
Your relationship problems should be handled between the two of you. If she’s constantly bringing up her ex, it’s not healthy for your relationship.
What you should do if your girlfriend still loves her ex
Simply trying to become the better boyfriend is not the answer.
Her still being in love with her ex-boyfriend is not something you can fix just by being a little bit better than him.
And being the high-value guy or soon-to-be one you are, you don’t want to waste your time on something like that.
Ether she is for you or she is not and here are several things you can do:
Address it directly
This is not the time to beat around the bush or be timid.
You need to get to the bottom of this and find out if she’s really over him or not.
The best way to do this is to let her know what she is doing, what you think about it, and that it’s not OK with you.
You are not just looking to hear a good answer and move one.
You need to know through her future actions that you are an important person to her, and the other guy will not come between you.
Hold your frame
You must hold your frame at all times in this situation.
There is a chance that you will hear something you don’t want to or that things will get heated.
But you need to remember who you are and what you stand for.
Don’t get all emotional and start getting defensive. Instead, simply state your case and let her know how you feel.
You want her to see that you are serious and mean what you say.
Getting emotional may dilute your message and make her think you just feel insecure.
Set boundaries
If she’s not over him, you need to set some boundaries in your relationship.
Make it clear that you will not tolerate her talking about him or comparing you to him.
And if she does, there will be consequences.
You need to show her that you are serious about this and that you will not tolerate her disrespecting you.
It’s also important to set boundaries with your own emotions.
Don’t get too attached to her or the relationship until she shows you she’s over him.
This must be done respectfully and not in a controlling way. Ultimatums rarely have long-term, healthy outcomes in relationships.
Listen to your gut
Listen to these alarm bells ringing in your head and pay attention to your gut feelings.
There’s a reason you feel the way you do, and it’s important to listen to that voice inside you.
You shouldn’t ignore red flags in any relationship, but especially not when her ex is still in the picture.
If you are getting these signs early on with a new girlfriend, it’s likely best to just move on.
The longer you stick around, the more attached you will become and the harder it will be to leave.
Get her to chase you
If she is sending mixed signals or not sure what she wants, you need to get her to chase you.
This means making her work for your attention and not being at her beck and call.
You want to show her that you are a high-value guy with other options.
And that she needs to step up her game if she wants to be with you.
That’s why the first steps in this section were so necessary.
By addressing it directly, holding your frame, and setting boundaries, you are already exuding more confidence and value than most guys do.
Now it’s time to take things a step further and get her to chase you.
Make sure she knows that you’re a busy guy with other things going on in your life.
Start to pull away and live your life the way you want to.
She needs to see that you’re not going to put up with her BS and that she has to step up if she wants to be with you.
Speak to a family therapist or relationship expert
Look at the state of many of the relationships in the world.
Many people would say that a large number of people in relationships are not happy.
This means the majority of us don’t know how to effectively navigate through relationship challenges.
If you find yourself struggling in your relationship, it may be best to seek professional help.
There’s no shame in admitting that you need help and want to make things work.
In fact, it shows a high level of maturity and commitment to the relationship.
Start by getting help for yourself and understanding your feelings and needs better.
This will give you a stronger foundation to work from when trying to improve things with your partner.
The bottom line is that if your girlfriend is still in love with her ex, it’s going to be difficult for your relationship to succeed.
There’s a chance she may be able to move on, but it’s going to take time and effort.
If you’re not willing to put in the work, it’s best to move on.
But if you’re up for the challenge and want to give it your best shot, then use the advice in this article to improve your chances.
Signs She Still Loves Her Ex FAQ
Can a woman fall back in love with her ex?
It is absolutely possible to fall back in love with an ex. There are some feelings and emotions that never completely go away.
A woman may be able to move on, but there will always be a place in her heart for her ex.
This doesn’t have to be a negative for the relationship as long as she treats you well and is committed to you.
What are the chances of my girlfriend getting back with her ex?
The chances of your girlfriend getting back with her ex 10X’s if she talks to him often and still has feelings for him, or if he’s in her life in some capacity (e.g., they work together).
There’s a much higher chance she’ll get back with him if you’re not around or if she’s unhappy in the relationship.
Can my girlfriend love me and her ex at the same time
Yes, it is possible for your girlfriend to love you and her ex at the same time. If she was with her ex for a long time, or she has unresolved feelings, then it’s going to be difficult for her to let go completely.
How long does it take for a girl to forget her ex?
It can take 6 months to a few years for a woman to forget her ex. It really all depends on the individual and the dynamics of the relationship.
Some women are able to move on quickly, while others may hold onto feelings for much longer.
For example, if she has a child with her ex, which is a constant reminder, it will take much longer for her to forget him.
Generally, the more time passes, the easier it becomes to forget an ex.
How do I make her forget her ex?
You can’t make her forget about her ex, but you can help her move on. By becoming the guy she thinks about most and making her feel good when she’s with you, she’ll develop new feelings for you.
How can you tell if someone is really over their ex?
You can tell someone is really over their ex by their actions. They’re not over them if they’re constantly talking about their ex or still hanging out with them.
But if they’ve moved on and are happy in their new relationship, it’s pretty clear they’re over their ex.
Should I date someone who still has feelings for their ex?
It’s a personal choice if you decide to date someone who still has feelings for their ex. You must understand that at any moment, they may choose to return to their ex.
It’s a risk you have to be willing to take if you want to pursue the relationship.
Is it disrespectful to talk to your ex while in a relationship?
The majority of people in a relationship will agree that it is disrespectful to talk to your ex while in a relationship. There are few legitimate reasons to talk to an ex once you’re in a committed relationship with someone else.
If you are trying to hold on to something or someone who is no longer yours, you are disrespecting your current partner.
Your ex is in the past for a reason, and it’s time to move on.
If you’re not over your ex, you shouldn’t be in a relationship. You need to take the time to heal before moving on.
